Healing begins and ends with the mind.
Have you ever woken up and thought, "I've been carrying around 20 years of garbage?" Well I had that thought today. But knowing something is only half the battle. It would be a much better thought to wake up and say, "I know everything I need to do to be perfectly healthy!" So that's what I will say. Three months after quitting my job and stopping the medication, resting and working on my health, I finally started feeling better, but then I had a setback and regressed quite a bit. My mother would always say, "Two steps forward, one step back." How's that for negative reinforcement? Right now my energy level is about the level of someone over 80 or 90 years old. The days I feel very bad make me sad and make me want to feel sorry for myself. Especially after feeling better and more hopeful, it feels like more of a letdown and leads way to hopeless thoughts. This is especially an issue when I can't visit family and friends and do fun social things that everyone else my age does. It's gotten to the point in which I don't have enough energy to drive anywhere or even do small things around the house. It makes me feel bad when I can't physically go visit my son when I would like to. I worry that he thinks I don't want to see him. The thing that was making me better is regular naps, a.k.a. - "second sleep", but I'm not sure exactly what happened. I think perhaps I may have overdid it hiking one day and then driving around for a couple days and then having my period (being anemic or heart blood deficient) and tons of stress and missing second sleep for a couple days, etc. The doctors have said for awhile that they think my problems may be coming from my thyroid. I'm sure there are many things going on: thyroid and hormonal imbalance and adrenal fatigue, etc., but not anything detectable by Western medicine. My doctor said last year that she thought my problems are coming from my thyroid and they may be but she also said she thinks I could have Hashimoto's thyroiditis but that she needs to check future labs to make sure. Now I don't believe in pharmaceuticals but when you feel like you're dying, you're really in a desperate place, at your last resort, which is how I came to take the sleep medication in the first place. So while I don't want to start the cycle of taking pharmaceuticals all over again I was resigned to do anything to feel better. So I went back to my doctor this past week to follow up on new labs and according to the labs I'm perfectly fine and "Everything looks good." So the doctor said, "Do you have any other concerns?" "Well," I said, "I still feel terrible and I still feel like I'm dying." "Did you ever have that thyroid biopsy?" "No, because they said the nodule wasn't big enough for that." "Well we should have that ultrasound updated because I think it's coming from your thyroid." So anyway, another waste of money on another doctor visit. I was actually looking forward to taking the medication and finding the source of all my problems and not feeling like I was dying. The main thing they look for in a thyroid biopsy is cancer but that's a little extreme to jump to that. So I've decided to put my time, energy and money towards natural means, such as a Naturopathic doctor. Even though I should have enough knowledge at this point to treat myself through acupuncture, nutrition, supplementation and energy movement, my condition has temporarily weakened me to the point where I need help from other people who are more established in their knowledge of healing. I've had natural medicine friends who have helped me, but my condition has gone on so long that I'm going to need to do something even more than I could on my own. I started getting regular acupuncture treatments from Nicole at Yin Rising Acupuncture, even though I could technically treat myself, it takes energy to create energy and/or facilitate healing, energy I don't yet have. So while I have been advised to get Chinese herbal treatment along with acupuncture, I need to have enough energy to drive to the appointment. Ultimately though, healing begins and ends with the mind. The psychological battle one faces with their health is at the core of the healing process. Even when my energy level is at 1 percent, I still know my thoughts, feelings and attitude can make me better or worse. So if you have a chronic illness or even if you don't, it's important to cultivate a general Attitude of Gratitude and this can prevent further downfall and can create future healing. I am grateful for my friends and family who understand my issues. I am grateful for my friends who visit me. I am grateful for my son who continues to do well. I am thankful to Maria, my friend the naturopath, who has given me advice, supported me and supplied me with resources. I am grateful to Eric, alternative health researcher and vitamin representative, who has also given me good advice and leads to explore and vitamins. I am thankful for Nicole, who has been treating me with Acupuncture the past month and most of all I'm thankful to my boyfriend who makes life livable. What are you grateful for?
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AuthorJust a sleeping beauty trying to wake up by getting some sleep. -GG Archives
November 2018
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