.There comes a point for each person who suffers a chronic condition on the path of healing, in which one reaches a crossroads between “reality” and “illusion”. I put both words in quotes because both are relative and changeable, but when your reality bumps heads with another person’s reality it’s up to you to decide which is most accurate. Unfortunately, we only have the power to change our own reality, not someone else’s. Many empaths find themselves in these positions, figuring out where the line is between yourself and another person. If your happiness depends on another person, you’ll always fall short. It sounds easy enough not to do and yet we are all susceptible to the human condition, which can include attachment. Some people would die without their significant other, but they would never admit it. Others would say they would never allow themselves to stoop to that level. Though realistically, for most people there is at least one person that would make them want to die, if something terrible were to happen to them. If you are a parent, then you understand. How does one enjoy their life when others suffer? If others are starving, how can we eat? How can we be happy if others are sad? Perhaps it is easy if we don’t know the person but if that person is your life-line… How does one take care of themselves if the person they love does not take care of them-self? If you knew they were suffering and homeless and without food, how would you enjoy food and shelter and and enjoy life when they are not? How would you want to live if they do not? Each person on the long healing road will come to this crossroads of a “truth” they can no longer avoid. A “truth” that has been making them sick. Or perhaps it’s a series of little avoidances that has created a huge problem. A “truth” that has kept them from the healing process, creating blocks in the meridians, imbalance, dis-ease, chaos, havoc, tumors, pain… due to a “truth” so hidden from our psyche that our ego thinks it would be better to die than to face. But we must. It’s been about a year since I quit my job. It wasn’t just me who thought, “When I no longer have to work, everything will be OK.” Everyone who knows me thought that. Everyone thought that was the solution to making me better, so I could finally get my long needed rest. That might have been the sole answer if I were able to do that years ago, before years of medication and burning myself out to nothing. But don’t get me wrong, healing would be much more challenging without this opportunity. I know not everyone can do this and though it could help anyone in a chronically ill situation, the link between karma and dharma is of great consideration. Understandably, those concepts are too vast for this blog but suffice to say, my work was intertwined between the web of karma and dharma, to help create my descent. If I did not have this opportunity to quit my job, it would be up to me to find work that did not hurt my body or my soul. The work system does not make allowances for sensitive souls. So just "suck it up", till your job kills you and the "strong shall prevail", etc. This is the nature of spiritual evolution. It takes us all working together and it’s up to us “sensitive souls” to show that we belong here also and make a place for ourselves. Likewise, it’s been about a year since I got off the medication and also I thought, “When I get off the medication, I can begin to heal.” Once again, this proved to be somewhat inaccurate. Merely stopping the medication did not initiate healing unto itself. Instead, stopping the medication allowed me to stop exacerbating the problem by killing me slowly with side-effects that numbed my mind and kept me always unconscious to the pains of life. Yes there is the medical foundation that it was temporarily keeping me alive and allowing me to work but at what cost? When we take medications we take care of the symptoms of the illness, which tricks our minds into thinking there is(are) no problem(s) and allows the us to continue blindly till we get something debilitating or die. Stopping the medication did enable me to heal though, in that it stopped masking tons of shit that has been avoided so that it has to be dealt with and allow healing to take place. Also, doing all the things I do to help myself heal would not work if I were taking medication, such as vitamins, herbs, acupuncture, exercise, etc. This all proves that work wasn’t the “cause”, the medication wasn’t the “cause”, they were merely a distraction, more efforts of avoidance that nearly killed me, snuffing out my qi(chi/life essence). If you stay on the healing path long enough you will reach at least one major crossroad. Here I am. I’ve been avoiding something for many years. After I was done avoiding the truth, I hid the truth from the world and suffered in silence due to shame for many many years as it has destroyed my health and my sanity. The truth is, my son is a meth addict and he is living on the street and there’s nothing I can do. The only thing I can do is learn to live my life for myself and now I’m no longer suffering in silence. "Crossroads" - Creme
I went down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees. Down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees. Asked the Lord above for mercy, "Save me if you please." I went down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride. Down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride. Nobody seemed to know me, everybody passed me by. Well I'm going down to Rosedale, take my rider by my side. Going down to Rosedale, take my rider by my side. You can still barrelhouse, baby, on the riverside. Going down to Rosedale, take my rider by my side. Going down to Rosedale, take my rider by my side. You can still barrelhouse, baby, on the riverside. You can run, you can run, tell my friend-boy, Willie Brown.* Run, you can run, tell my friend-boy, Willie Brown.* And I'm staying at the crossroads, believe I'm sinking down. I went down to the crossroad, fell down on my knees I went down to the crossroad, fell down on my knees Asked the Lord above "Have mercy, save poor Bob, if you please." Mmmmm, standin' at the crossroad, I tried to flag a ride Standin' at the crossroad, I tried to flag a ride Didn't nobody seem to know me, everybody pass me by Mmm, the sun goin' down, boy, dark gon' catch me here oooo, ooee, eee boy, dark gon' catch me here I haven't got no lovin' sweet woman that love and feel my care You can run, you can run, tell my friend-boy, Willie Brown. You can run, tell my friend-boy, Willie Brown. Lord, that I'm standin' at the crossroad, babe, I believe I'm sinking down.
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AuthorJust a sleeping beauty trying to wake up by getting some sleep. -GG Archives
November 2018
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