It just so happens the sleep medications I take, while having many benefits, like all medications, have a dark side. It has come to light that many of the sleep medications cause dementia and contribute to alzheimer's but NEWSFLASH, so does not sleeping! It usually takes a couple hours after waking up to not feel like I'm dying, sometimes all day. I literally feel the medicine killing me, stealing my thoughts, eating away at my brain, nibbling my neurons, making my life disappear. On the days I don't work, I lay there lifeless, waiting for my body and brain to function. Me, to my body, "Hello, is this thing on?" So much for my intention towards inspiration. Yet, if I'm honest and I tell people how I feel and someone else feels the same way, I could be helping them to not feel so isolated. That is one of the goals of the blog after all. It often takes an entire day to accomplish one thing, sometimes more. It's like time slows waaaaay down. It can take me an entire day to do the dishes, an entire week to do the laundry, all night and all morning preparing to go to work, a month to get my emissions done and years to open mail. So perhaps if you have any bills you want to send me, you might want to stop wasting paper. Everything is getting worse. There are no more good days. There are still good parts of a day, usually, if I'm not at work and the medicine has worn off, sometime in the evening, usually close to bedtime. If I don't sleep, I feel terrible. If I take the medication, I sleep but I feel terrible in a whole other way. The benefits of being able to sleep no longer outweigh the side-effects of the medication and that's not good because one simply doesn't live without sleep BUT I likewise feel that I can no longer live the life the medication is providing me. When I tried to talk to my previous doctor concerning the numerous ailments I suspected were caused by my sleep deprivation, she proceeded to tell me a story about how a doctor did an experiment where he didn't sleep for a week and went insane but when he finally slept, he was never sane again. Thanks Doc. Fun times ahead. I have informed my current doctor of my intention to quit the medication and she agreed that would be a good idea seeing as these medications are not meant to be taken long-term. She said that I'd have to wean off them and recommended a neurologist, so we'll see. I literally feel like the medication is snuffing me out and I can't take it one more day! But then what? How long will I keep my job without it? How long will I function reasonably? Will I gain back my sanity or will it push me over the edge? Will tomorrow be the day everything ends?
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AuthorJust a sleeping beauty trying to wake up by getting some sleep. -GG Archives
November 2018
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