Have you ever wondered what would happen if you woke up one day and did everything you were supposed to do? "Perhaps that's the answer?", you're thinking. If I just did everything I'm supposed to be doing, all my problems will go away and life will be rainbows forever. Well maybe, I wouldn't actually know but anything IS possible.
These are the things I think I should be doing EVERY DAY: 1. An hour of exercise 2. Another hour of either yoga or tai chi 3. Juice with my juicer 4. Acupuncture or acupressure 5. Meditate 6. Read 7. Write 8. Do something creative 9. Hike or do something outside 10. Stay positive *All of these every day These are on top of everything I have to do: work, assist my son, eat, rest, chores, etc. This list will probably be a constant for the rest of my life. Although in today's reality, I do perhaps one on the list daily and then an extra one or two on the weekends, IF I'm ambitious. I think most people can relate to the dichotomy of wanting and doing. Life is the canvas that we are painting so there is always more room on the canvas for growth and beauty. Is this psychological or physical? The two are so intricately connected that sometimes it can be difficult to tell. It's all about how much energy you have and what you do with that energy. If I happen upon those rare times where I have had two or three descent nights of sleep, my energy gets up to a level that it would likely be normally, where I could get all those things done on my list and more, at least on a weekend day. But if I haven't slept or my sleep was deplorable, then my energy goes down to between 1 and 50%. If it gets below 20%, all I'm really good for is laying in bed, which is actually the case more often than I want to admit. The irony is, all the things on my list would give me more energy, if only I had the energy to do them. It would be nice if modern medicine were more holistic and they tried harder to figure out medical problems like this. I talked to my doctor about some other issues that the sleep was causing and she said that there was no point into looking into those until we get my sleep under control, yet as I said, pharmaceuticals are a bandaid, but I'm not giving up. My doctor is interested in seeing me get help. She actually recommend a hypnotherapist but I can't afford to go to the hypnotherapist because they charge $100 a session and I'm not making enough to pay my bills because my body doesn't let me work more. I'm sure there are many more holistic avenues I could take with more money as well. It's a Catch 22. Sunday I took my break and Monday I felt great. Then on Tuesday, I got up early, meditated and did my exercises and I felt terrible for the rest of the day. That's what it's like in the beginning steps of discipline. That's what keeps us from taking the next step, keeps people down, under achieving, depressed, over weight, held back from success, etc. It's the pain of that first step, because let's not blow sunshine, the second step sucks even worse. But FUCK that shit! I'm just waiting for the right time, when I no longer have to go to a job and I therefore will not have to spend all my energy in the morning getting enough sleep and getting ready for work, then going to work, working at work and then going home from work and preparing for my next day of work by taking care of myself, hopefully relaxing and sleeping. How is that living anyway? But don't stop. Take another baby step. It's worth it. So my escape plan continues...Step 1 - Escape the corporate world. In the meantime, back to my list.
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Due to the chronic insomnia I generally have energy to be social one night a week and that's with allot of planning. I used to be a more spontaneous free spirit before all this. Now, though I am 45, I have the energy of an 80 year old, but I refuse to give up while I'm still young. I haven't even met my life-mate yet and I want to be ready when he arrives.
I literally have on my dating profile, "My favorite thing is laying in bed all day and watching shows", because that's what I usually have energy enough to actually enjoy. Although it really is much less adventure than most people are seriously looking for and I hope to improve my energy level in time. Now I usually need at least a week to prepare for leaving the house for social interaction and then through a series of strategic procedures, everything must go somewhat to plan. The first thing to note is that in order to have a social night, I need at least two days off from work, which is generally the case. I usually choose Saturday for my Me Day and/or Social Night, which gives me time on Sunday to "blob out" without concern for social expectation, catch up on chores and prepare for the work week. The goal is to gather enough energy throughout the week for a day's event, in order to feel like I'm still living. While two days off of work really isn't enough to have a life one day a week and recuperate adequately, I try to make it work. If I know I have plans on the upcoming weekend, I will take the necessary steps to gather enough energy for the event. This means maintaining a strict schedule, which also includes: slightly less than desirable levels of caffeine, an increased caffeine cut-off time, exercising in the morning and not the evening, staying balanced in all areas, including diet, taking my medication as early as possible and making sure there is at least one "break" night during the week before the event. When I am not able to take a break at some point during the week before the event and I continue the medication throughout the entire week, by Saturday, when I have taken the medication 4-6 days in a row, it doesn't work and then, which has happened too many times, I either have to cancel my plans or suffer painfully to get through it. In either case not only are my plans ruined but my weekend and possibly the week to come, due to a continuous imbalance and lack of time to correct it. Most of the time, one might say, I don't "do" anything. On the weekends when I don't do anything but lay in bed or just lay around (i.e. - "blob out"), it can be an extreme relief not to have anyone expecting you to have any energy that you don't have. People rarely understand that I often lack the energy for simple tasks such as, driving, doing something "fun" and having a simple conversation and much less energy for crowds, traffic, parties, etc. Most people in my age range can't understand that, especially when you're meeting someone new and you have to explain it to them, it really is a social and date killer. I met someone a year ago whom I had to explain that I don't have time for socializing during the week since I'm on a later schedule and they couldn't understand why I could not set aside an hour before work. It was beyond their comprehension that my mornings were devoted to sleep and getting through the morning haze to get to work on time. Even during social times, I rarely leave the house before early evening, because sometimes it take an entire day to wake up and gather energy for the later activity. One of the major social problems with this is it makes it next to impossible to make commitments. I've learned the hard way that making commitments for activities is a huge mistake, where it's much more desirable for everyone to cancel when I've had abhorrent sleep than to follow through with my commitment and be abhorrent, ruining everyone's time. Therefore all my plans are "tentative", which makes me seem like the ultimate flake but my true friends understand. A few months ago, when making plans with a newer friend who I thought understood my plight, with the usual agreement of confirmation of the day's plans upon waking in late morning, decided to go without me, without notice or confirmation because I was taking too long. He was always annoyed with the frustration of my predicament. So sometime last year I took my dating profiles down and just decided to take a social break till my energy starts rising again. It will require life changes, that I have been working on for a few years now. So if you know someone with chronic insomnia, just be patient with them. One of the effects of chronic insomnia is chronic brain fog. I'm really not sure which is worse for brain fog, not sleeping or experiencing sleep medication the following day. I'm basically always in a haze. I'm either sleep deprived or feeling the after effects of the medication. The odd thing is, I can't tell much of a difference, in regards to the fog. Memory was never my strong point but the noticeable decline is disturbing. I had four days off from work last week and therefor a four day break from my medication, whereupon I thought I would have better awareness and productivity this week but it somewhat "backfired" making the medication too potent and leaving me feeling drugged. The medication is no longer in my system the following day but the effects on the brain and nervous system continues to be effected over time. The most obvious and prevalent cognitive effect of chronic insomnia is the decreased ability to process thoughts effectively. This can lead to diminished performance, an inability to maintain relationships and general mental decline, to include memory loss and an overall diminishing grey matter. Because my grandmother died of Alzheimers, I find this even more disturbing. Besides brain fog and memory loss the insomniacs brain processes are also prone to a variance of psychological and chemical disturbances to include emotional disturbances such as depression and anxiety. This is brain fog has become a way of life, only reinforcing me to become healthy whereupon I will no longer require medication to sleep. Days like this, are a constant reminder of this goal. Thus, since my blog isn't about inviting people to a pity party but to impart understanding and hope. I will now include ways to improve memory and cognitive function: 1. Aerobic exercise 2. Eat a diet high in essential fatty acids 3. Read 4. Play memory games 5. Play challenging brain puzzles 6. Learn something 7. Drink green tea 8. Reduce stress 9. Address depression 10. Meditation 11. High anti-oxidant foods 12. Vitamins 13. Herbs 14. Yoga/Tai Chi/ Qi Gong 15. Take up a hobby 16. Do something creative 17. STAY POSITIVE! :) Sourceshttp://www.livescience.com/39337-insomnia-brain-working-memory-differences.html
http://www.medicaldaily.com/insomnia-affects-brains-emotion-regulator-could-lead-depression-246154 https://www.sharecare.com/health/insomnia/does-chronic-insomnia-affect-brain https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201403/insomnia-creates-24-hour-brain-condition http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/30/insomnia-brain-memory-concentrate_n_3843672.html http://www.helpguide.org/articles/memory/how-to-improve-your-memory.htm http://greatist.com/happiness/47-ways-boost-brainpower-now http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/05/17/good-brain-health-tips.aspx http://bebrainfit.com/how-to-improve-memory/ |
AuthorJust a sleeping beauty trying to wake up by getting some sleep. -GG Archives
November 2018
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