Each New Years my friends and I do New Years tarot card readings, to showcase the upcoming year. One card represents one month, January through December. It is through this medium that I found out that the Tower was in my cards, in early Autumn. The Tower is basically the scariest card in the deck which represents the abrupt tearing down of one's known world, where the walls fall apart and the floor crumbles and everything falls down, including you. I will say there is no such thing as a bad card, since we all have to go through each cycle and it's not the card that makes things happen. It's just there to let you know what's going on. Then my favorite astrologer, Aepril Shaile has basically said in her last two reports something like, "Have fun now before the shit hits the fan in September." Now, don't assume I'm creating or inviting doom and gloom. Firstly, I don't have the physical energy to stop what's coming and second, no card, including the Tower, need be feared, as it is sometimes a necessary part of evolution. What do you do when you see your world crashing around you right before your eyes and you have very little power in the situation? I like scales of 1 to 10. For example, I gauge my daily energy level on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest. Lately it's been between 2 and 4. Where I'd say "normal" people without this problem, or any other major problem have an energy level between 7 and 10. So I average about an energy level of 3, on a descent day, although it's been a 1 much to often these days. This is not a level one can accomplish anything on, much less actually live. For the most part, I'm lucky if I can get to work. Last week I only worked one day and I beginning to drown financially. People who haven't shot their body into the ground don't understand the relationship between body and will. For I will say that it takes an amazingly strong will to still live at all on a level 3, much less be semi-functional. Yet, from the outside it's all, "You just gotta keep going till you die." And I'm like, "I'm pretty sure I'm dying right now." When I look at my life I often feel like I'm looking in from the outside. Like a stranger who is looking at me with pity and contempt. Who is the warrior that's loosing the fight? I want to look away from her. I don't want to see anymore. "I'm disappointed in you. You're failing," and then, I remain sternly detached from emotion, since it's really just a movie I'm watching and there's nothing I can do about it. What would the gurus say? What would Kelly Howell say? (She's someone I admire.) She'd say, "Stop the negative self talk and judgement and love yourself fully." That's what my higher self says and I'm right. But even that doesn't change anything, yet. I suppose this is where patience comes in. When I fully surrender to the healing process, I won't be able to work anymore and that time feels fast approaching. My body is running the show. My body is crashing. My body... I have every reason to continue but the reality is, I've gone so far beyond running myself into the ground. When my body gets below 1%, it's over. I probably won't die; I'd more likely get fired, which I'm desperately trying to prevent but the Tower is swiftly becoming. Can't stop, addicted to the shindig
Chop top, he says I'm gonna win big Choose not a life of imitation Distant cousin to the reservation Defunct, the pistol that you pay for This punk, the feeling that you stay for In time, I want to be your best friend Eastside love is living on the West End Knock out, but boy you better come to Don't die, you know the truth is some do Go write your message on the pavement Burn so bright, I wonder what the wave meant White heat is screaming in the jungle Complete the motion if you stumble Go ask the dust for any answers Come back strong with 50 belly dancers [Chorus:] The world I love The tears I drop To be part of The wave can't stop Ever wonder if it's all for you The world I love The trains I hop To be part of The wave can't stop Come and tell me when it's time to Sweetheart is bleeding in the snow cone So smart, she's leading me to ozone Music, the great communicator Use two sticks to make it in the nature I'll get you into penetration The gender of a generation The birth of every other nation Worth your weight the gold of meditation This chapter's gonna be a close one Smoke rings, I know you're gonna blow one All on a spaceship persevering Use my hands for everything but steering Can't stop, the spirits when they need you Mop tops are happy when they feed you J. Butterfly is in the treetop Birds that blow the meaning into bebop [Chorus] Wait a minute I'm passing out Win or lose, just like you Far more shocking Than anything I ever knew How 'bout you 10 more reasons Why I need somebody new, just like you Far more shocking Than anything I ever knew Right on cue Can't stop, addicted to the shindig Chop top, he says I'm gonna win big Choose not a life of imitation Distant cousin to the reservation Defunct, the pistol that you pay for This punk, the feeling that you stay for In time, I want to be your best friend Eastside love is living on the West End Knock out, but boy you better come to Don't die you know the truth is some do Go write your message on the pavement Burn so bright, I wonder what the wave meant Kick start the golden generator Sweet talk, but don't intimidate her Can't stop the gods from engineering Feel no need for any interfering Your image in the dictionary This life is more than ordinary Can I get 2 maybe even 3 of these Comin' from space To teach you of the Pleiades Can't stop the spirits when they need you This life is more than just a read-through
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AuthorJust a sleeping beauty trying to wake up by getting some sleep. -GG Archives
November 2018
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