It's been several years now since I've abandoned the pursuit of learning Chinese Medicine in order to maintain my job as a corporate drone. It's not that I hate my job. It's a very good job and sometimes I enjoy it but it is not my career path.
I remember my first Chinese Medicine class, Theory 101, where I learned the most basic principals of the types of energy contained in and used by the body. This included the introduction of the Three Treasures (Jing, Qi and Shen), the most vital of which is the energy that we get from the womb called Jing essence. This is the energy that we are born with. There is a limited amount of Jing, in which we die when it's all used up. Certain life choices, such as drinking and smoking and too much sexual activity, etc. can greatly accelerate the degeneration of Jing, which not only decreases one's life span but also the quality of life. It was in this first Theory class that the realization hit me, my job was actually killing me. After class I went outside and cried on the bench. It was because of this that eventually I had to decide between school and work and since I had a child, you know the story... Ironically, I would have been much better off staying in school and letting go of the job but that wasn't really an option. Years later now, still with the same but much accelerated insomnia problem, it has broken me down, stolen many years of Jing and is basically crippling me (kicking my ass). So having insomnia is not quite the same as chronic long-term insomnia. I have no idea how much Jing essensce I have left but I know that if I don't do something drastic soon, I'm not going to make it. In this regard, I made a couple of decisions based on realizations as of late. First realization: I've been negative about my condition, not really out loud but in my mind I've been giving in to self-pity. It's not a judgement per say, it's merely a realization which allows me to make a new choice. So, I want to be more positive now. In order to do that I'm going to have to have a little more faith in the Universe and stop worrying so much. I'm going to worry less about my job and my health and whether I have cancer or if I'm dying. I have rescheduled the thyroid biopsy and I'm not going to worry about it. I'm going to stop creating unnecessary suffering on top of the suffering I already have, which I fully accept that I've previously created at some point in my existence. The second decision I made was to throw out all sleep medications that are made from the antihistamine class of drugs, i.e. - hydroxyzine, doxylamine, most over the counter sleep medications, etc. This class of medications has always worked the best for me and thus I have used them for years but this type is one of the ones said to cause dementia and now when I use it, days later I feel like it's taking my mind. My mind is literally numb and I can no longer access my brain as I once did. I still have other types of sleep medication, which I'm keeping for as long as I'm still working. (Though I've only been able to work one to two days a week at this point.) So the antihistamines are gone and they're not coming back.
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AuthorJust a sleeping beauty trying to wake up by getting some sleep. -GG Archives
November 2018
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