It was perhaps a month ago that I dared to think, "I might be OK now." I had felt good for so long I was beginning to see what I thought was the light at the end of the tunnel.
My sleep was never completely stable at night but I was able to make up for it regularly with daily naps and my energy level had risen to what I consider a "respectable constant." It was high enough to not adversely affect my mood, nor my daily routine around the house. I felt like I was actually healing, but then...relapse. All it took was one weekend when I had my period and I didn't sleep for two days straight. Then I could no longer access my nap time and a weekend turned into a week. The full moon shortly followed. If you have insomnia or if you're sensitive to the moon then you know what I'm talking about. It is a rare occasion that I can sleep during a full moon. A week turned into two weeks and then my immune system crashed and just like that I was knocked down again. How naive was I to think I was "all better." Whatever. Yet with the goings on with my troubled child it is a wonder if I can ever sleep really. If you read my last blog entry you know that of which I speak. I won't go into detail here, as this is not the place for that, though they are intimately connected. If you want to hear more about that you can read my other BLOG. Though I cannot ensure the same diligence to positivity or inspiration that I try to maintain here. Despite my disappointment in relapsing, the recovery seem slightly easier. Although, I do have to work double time to reinforce my immune system. I regularly take great consideration of my immune system. Since at this stage being sick is too rough on my body, I go out of my way to keep my immune system tip top, including: whatever sleep I can muster, avoiding drugs and alcohol, relaxation to combat stress, regular exercise, regular hand washing and supplements such as garlic, Astragalus and Vitamin C. While there are some who rarely get sick, there are others of us who have to stay ever vigilant. When my immune system is compromised I generally turn to Elderberry and when it has crashed, I have found that sometimes colloidal silver helps. Immunity is somewhat of a concern for everyone who has insomnia, considering our body needs sleep to stay healthy, fight disease and repair itself. My caffeine consumption these days generally consists of one cup of coffee and a cup of green tea. Although, since my relapse Iv'e been desperately trying to wean off coffee all together, in that anything that could help would be welcome. Of course it's ridiculous to think that one cup of coffee would cause insomnia but getting off it sure can't hurt, unless you go cold turkey. One should never go cold-turkey off caffeine; always wean slowly. Though I do not have a doctor's diagnosis, I believe the biological component of my insomnia is hormonal. While I don't discount that there could be a doctor that could help, the medical system is too pathetic to get one without spending thousands of dollars to find the right one who listens to you, gives you the right test at the right time and knows what to look for and so on. This is considering I went to a doctor for years and all I got was sicker with medication. I will say that I have yet to go to a naturopath and perhaps one day, being financially able, I will. Till then I will continue to heal myself to the best of my ability. I do have a couple years of Acupuncture schooling, which is more than a chiropractor or another weekend workshop dry needler, if only I did it more. Since I have been off the medication for almost a year and a half I am now able to occasionally utilize natural sleep supplements, although they still don't work if the insomnia is severe, like a couple weeks ago. When a person on a Healing Journey begins to feel better the tendency is to put all your troubles behind you, forget about all your problems and start a fresh new life with energy and without pain. More than anything we want to let it go and move beyond our constant state of suffering. Doesn't that sound nice? Yet, a Healing Journey is a lifetime path. Therefore, you can put it behind you but only if you put in the work to do so. Reality isn't always pleasant but with hard work we can make our days enjoyable and meaningful. After all, this is Earth School. Where does that leave me? Besides recovering from the last episode of severe insomnia, the lesson here is to prevent future ones. Or if that's not yet possible, continue to build myself up so recovery is easier with future incidents. I used to be a person who would create a better reality for herself with her positive thoughts and yet where that potential never leaves us and should not be abandoned, it's healthy to accept that chronic illness cannot be cured by positive thought alone, particularly if it keeps us from putting in the physical work to make our thoughts and dreams a reality. OMG - I think I might be growing up!
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AuthorJust a sleeping beauty trying to wake up by getting some sleep. -GG Archives
November 2018
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