October 31 was a most appropriate day to commence my reckoning. It's the time of Death and therefore Rebirth. This would be the day I quit my job, or more accurately put in my two-weeks notice. That's right, this is the beginning of the end and a step long overdue, but not by days or weeks, or months, more like years or lifetimes. Now is the time when my Karma finally starts catching up with my Dharma.
After I made sure my son and the cat were taken care of I held on due to the fear of losing my health insurance. It's all sort of the chicken and egg phenomena. Most people believe that there is a cause for my insomnia and therefor a cure and they are not "wrong" per se, but what most people considered a "cure" was actually a cause. For example, now that my insomnia has gone on for so many years, with increasing severity, I am exhibiting signs of many other problems such as nodules in my thyroid and lymph nodes, adrenal fatigue, and all the other obvious sign of accelerated decline, associated with age and never sleeping. So now I exhibit all the signs of hypothyroidism, including lack of sleep, with the possibility of hashimotos and/or possibly something even more serious. The pain has always been in my lymph node and not my thyroid but my doctor was very concerned about the nodules spreading to my lymph nodes and felt that it was very important to rule out cancer. She sent me to a specialist who determined that the first step of deciphering what was going on was to test the thyroid. So I set up a biopsy for my thyroid a couple months ago but on the day before surgery I developed a horrible bladder infection, where I had to urinate every 5 minutes. Since I was supposed to lay perfectly still on the table for an hour, I had to reschedule. I then waited another month for my new appointment. Everything was set, or so they said. Yet on the morning of the procedure they called me and told me they could not do a biopsy because the radiologist "just" looked at my images and my nodules weren't big enough to biopsy, after all these months of waiting. It's actually been years where I've been waiting to find out, what's wrong with me and how I can fix it. What do I do now? Not that I have much choice since I barely have enough energy to work one day a week at this point. But still, if one were to think logically, one might say, that if I were to quit my job I could get much worse or die because I don't have any health insurance to deal with it. But what if I told you, (Morpheus voice) it actually was the corporate rat race making me sick? How does one rectify the cost of a cure with the cause of the disease? My plan was that if it was something serious, I would stay at my job to take care of it with my health insurance but when my biopsy was cancelled for the second time, I wasn't about to wait for a third sign. And yes I took it as a sign and no people who follow "signs" aren't stupid, they are actually listening to what the Universe is trying to tell them and THAT IS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT! If we listened to the Universe we wouldn't get sick. So my blatant disregard for Universal knowledge and flying in the face of imbalance stops now! Many may disagree with my decision but this is between me and the Universe and I'm choosing to listen to the Universe, finally. Now I can start my journey back to balance.
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AuthorJust a sleeping beauty trying to wake up by getting some sleep. -GG Archives
November 2018
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