On my last night before my last day of work I used the last of my sleep medication. I've only been working towards changing my life via career path for the last 20 years. So on my last day of work, someone who doesn't have insomnia might think that would be a glorious day, but alas due to anticipation and a heralding dream, I did NOT sleep despite taking the medicine and my day was very bad. Sigh, at least it's over, really over. It was one of those days that I shouldn't have been at work but I told my friend at work that I'd be there to say goodbye no matter what. The first day after my first night off the medication I slept approximately 2 hours. After laying in bed awake all night I got up to play on the computer, when a friend asked me, "Why are you up so early? The usual?" "Well, no medicine = no sleep." "Oh and that's for good now right?" "That's the plan." People tend to ask me if I believe in luck or destiny. Generally, I don't think one excludes the other but karma and dharma or more precise. So when things finally started falling into place after years off track, I found the universe was there after all. It's like that quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." I definitely hit bottom and felt sure I was dying, when Superman walked into my life. I found love at my lowest point and he lifted me up and saved me. It's amazing what can happen when you go to that place where nothing lives. When you finally admit that you can't keep going in the direction you've been going and you have no choice but to change or die. Then when you decide to change, sometimes you find that people are there to help you and that everything is actually going to be OK, despite the world falling to pieces around you. Due to my physical state I was forced to not care for my son anymore and his father took over, which he didn't have to since he is technically an adult. So I'm very grateful for his father taking up the reins. It's all very complicated and too personal for an internet blog to go into greater detail. When I felt forced to let go of my son, I also had to let go of our cat, who was my best friend, because technically she is his cat. I fell into a depression for a couple months after this but now I'm ready to move on and am ready for a new cat. I went to animal shelter to look for a cat but didn't feel a connection to any of them. Then I remembered that a friend from work had a cat she wanted to give me a couple years ago, which I couldn't take at the time because Kitty is very aggressive and territorial towards other cats. Now since I've remembered the little black kitty girl, I've been thinking about her and my friend from work says she still has her for me. Another friend who is a naturopathic doctor recommended a box of supplements that they sell at the practice she works at, which helps people in my type of situation get their neurotransmitters back on track and helps ease them through the transition. I bought the box and have been off the medication three days now and have had three sleepless nights. So far it sucks and I think it's going to get worse before it gets better but the most important thing is I'm not alone. Much love.
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AuthorJust a sleeping beauty trying to wake up by getting some sleep. -GG Archives
November 2018
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